Evening listeners of this fine station enjoy the easy grooves of Slow Jams, hosted by R Dub. But with the sudden rise of a new micro-nation near the Salton Sea, you may not know that R Dub is also the Sultan of Slowjamastan. Using heavy flattery and a small bribe, News Reporter Heather Clisby managed to score an exclusive interview with the Sultan himself…
Welcome to The United Territories of The Sovereign Nation of The People’s Republic of Slowjamastan, an 11.07-acre nation just west of the Salton Sea. I caught up with their leader, the Sultan of Slowjamastan, to learn more.
“We are a dictatorship on most days but on some days, we take votes and pass around the hat for suggestions and we are a democracy. But at the end of the day, Sultan has the final word.”
The nations’ population is 99 though it currently faces a backlog of applications. Slowjamastan has just three main laws: 1) “Reply All” on emails is forbidden. 2) What is known as “mumble rap” is not allowed. 3) The wearing of Crocs.
“To put it plain and simple, wearing Crocs is a violation against humanity in many different ways. I mean, who would do that? I don’t understand.”
While the infrastructure of Slowjamastan is still being created, the citizens did make one crucial decision.
“We voted on the national fruit, by the way, which is the maraschino cherry, which everybody loves.”
As is their national heritage, Slowjamastanis have an appreciation for music.
“Absolutely. We love some slow jams, and also other music. We like the dub step, we like the bossa nova, the jazz music, but definitely slow jams specifically. Anita Baker, Marvin Gaye, and we like the Usher! Usher … ‘7 o’clock, on the dot, I’m in my drop top, cruisin’ the street … You know the song? ‘Nice & Slow’ It’s very good.”
Like America, Slowjamastan is a nation of many cultures, many beliefs, and many accents.
“My accent, for example, is Slowjamastani, specifically it’s English with a ‘GFA’ and GFA stands for General Foreign Accent. You don’t know if I’m Armenian, Italian, Lithuanian, Romanian, it could be anything. It’s a mix of all of the beautiful cultures coming together to be one Slowjamastani together.”
To visit Slowjamastan, the Sultan insists that tourists pre-register for safety reasons.
“We do ask tourists to bring a visa and register and a nearby consulate or also you can register online so we can guide you properly. We do have land mines in the property so you definitely don’t want to just show up unattended or you may lose a foot.”
Beloved for his stern leadership, the Sultan is also known as a man of numerous talents and … jobs.
“It is my pleasure. I love your radio station and show. Make sure to tune in to the Sunday night ‘Slow Jams’ with my friend, R Dub … what a minute, that’s me!”
For more info, visit slowjamastan.org, or on Facebook and Instagram. Becoming a citizen of Slowjamistan is free and the renunciation of your American citizenship is not required.
“If you can dream it, we can do it.”
You can listen to the full interview with the Sultan of Slowjamastan using the player below.
